Time for Part Two.

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New Rule: It’s time for Congress to impeach George Walker Bush.
Illegal wiretapping. Illegal war. Good lawd; he’s done enough stuff to this country to make anyone’s head spin. I mean, really! But then again, this is the same guy who said it’d be a lot easier if this were a dictatorship…as long as he was the dictator.

Note to self: Find a copy of 1984.

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New Rule: The next time there’s a conflict of interest in regards to pulling the plug on someone in a persistent vegetative state, those involved in said conflict must settle it themselves, without getting the government (local, state, or federal) involved. Or the media.

I am, of course, referring to the fiasco that centred around Terri Schiavo. The plug was pulled on her in mid-to-late March of this year; and she passed away near the end of the month. It was a mess in the media. There were hoards of people gathered outside where she was staying, holding vigil. Most of the media was there too. Florida governor Jeb Bush wanted her to become a ward of the state.

Was any of this stuff really necessary? I mean, come on. Terri Schiavo was a grown woman, not a little kid. She was in a PVS for fifteen years. 90% of her brain–which included virtually everything needed to function–was gone. She was blind (which an autopsy confirmed). She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t hear. She couldn’t do anything except lie in her bed and get fed through a feeding tube. There are probably plenty of people like this everywhere; why not have the media direct their energies toward them?

Oh, yeah. That’s right. Because there was this whole duh-RAMA involving her husband, Michael, who either had decided he needed to move on with his life and got another girlfriend or is a total arse (depending on who you ask) and Terri’s parents, the Schindlers, who were either obsessed with keeping her alive to feed some emotional void or genuinely thought their daughter was not in a PVS and was responsive (again, depending on who you ask). He wanted the plug pulled, as he believed his wife didn’t want to “live” this way; they wanted it left in, saying she was still alive. I ask them: Yeah, she may’ve been alive, but was she living?

Anyway. If any other families need to fight this sort of thing out, they should settle it amongst themselves. Have a tug of war, a hockey shootout, a game of Horse, whatever. Just leave the rest of the country and the world out of it!

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New Rule: If your team is sucking, don’t trade your best player!
Yep. Bruins reference. Joe Thornton to be exact. Three weeks ago, he was traded to the San Jose Sharks in exchange for three mediocre guys. Now? San Jose is doing better; while Boston continues to suck. That’ll learn them.

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New Rule: Free Katie!
I don’t think anymore explanation is needed than this.

In a related story, the Tom Cruise couch jumps seen (almost) everywhere are very creepy sights. Either find the git his meds or introduce him to a straight jacket.

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That’s all the Festivus “New Rules” I can think of. Keep in mind that Festivus doesn’t end until you can pin the head of your family down to the ground. ;)